Crazy Insane or Insane Crazy

In my teaching classes one of the key buzz words is assessment. Assess this. Assess that. Assess yourself. Assess your assessment tools. If you can teach the kids to self assess then you're really doing a good job. Self awareness is a huge deal in education, and in life really. Being able to look at yourself and say, "I'm really good at gardening" for instance. Or "I suck at driving". Knowing one's weaknesses and then, this is the hard part, improving on them. At the very least if you don't improve on them you can learn to work around them. Self awareness. I was talking about several of my ex-girlfriends the other day and one of my coworkers pointed out that all of them sounded kind of crazy. In retrospect I guess that's true. Now comes the hard part. Am I attracted to crazy? It's a weird thing to think about. Attraction feels animalistic. You've got the physical attraction which is initially primitive and instinctive. Then comes the personality attraction which can alter the physical attraction in my opinion. I've seen many a cute girl from afar then I talk to them and they're either a bitch or an airhead or something offputting and all of a sudden, not so hot anymore. The reverse happens too. I've known girls that get more beautiful every day. The more I get to know them and learn about them the more attractive they become, assuming I'm learning pleasant things about them. I'm sure if I learned they ate their own feces it wouldn't make them more attractive. I'm kinda off topic now. I was the topic. Am I attracted to crazy? And is that something I can control or fix? Considering these relationships ended and it was the crazyness that was the catalyst in most cases maybe I'm not doomed. I'm more aware of it now at least. So 1st question for a girl from now on will be "Are you crazy? No? Ok cool. Wanna go out?"

Mastering the List

So I decided I should start writing here again. I've had a lot running through my little head lately. Actually it's getting bigger, my head that is(that's what he said) , cause my hair is getting longer. I struggle with this damn mop all the time. I'm never happy with it and always want to change it's style or length. I have super thick hair that frizzes and poofs. Unkempt it's literally a white Afro. Ask those who've witnessed. It's amazing and frightening. Thanks parents. Anyhow I'm off topic. While wanting to start writing this here blog again I've become torn. Part of the allure when I first started writing, back on livejournal http://imposs1ble.livejournal.com/ was that I was going to just pour my heart and head out with no one really reading it. It would become my venting place. It would become a place I could just spit stuff out and see how it sounded in written word. Then move on. With the evolution of blogs and the fact that I actually read some on a regular basis the temptation to advertise mine to my friends and get their opinion and comments and such is present. Do I keep it quiet or ask others to read it? By keeping it quiet I can voice my feelings on stuff that I may not be ready to have out in the open. By advertising I get feedback and interaction. Tough choice. For instance my hair dilemma would be a perfect topic for a readers poll. Should Nathan cut his hair? Restyle it? Grow it out? That might be helpful. But then issues like who I've got a major crush on are out there too, if I right about everything. If I have a beef with someone at work that I should probably just let blow over that I bitch about on here and they happen to read it what does that accomplish? Hmmmm. I really like writing about girls that tickle my fancy. So that's how I'm leaning. We'll see.

Back in the Saddle with Saddle Bags

I've really been getting the creative writing bug lately. I think it has to do with the history class I'm taking where most of our assignments involve speaking our mind as opposed to regurgitating facts. I've gotten into some great debates about racism, sexism, and ignorance in that class. It's been so long since I've written in a forum like this I don't know where to start and how to focus. I know I'm going to sound old when I say this but who cares. When I was in my teens my parents and other adults would make comments about the youth culture I was submerged in and it was always a confused reaction. They could not relate to the things I enjoyed whether it was music, movies, fashion, or slang. As a teenager I would wonder how my parents couldn't understand all the things I was enjoying. I thought everything I did was cool and my parents were out of touch for not getting it. I used to wonder how that could happen and couldn't see myself doing the same thing. "I will always be in touch and understand the youth culture" I thought to myself. The reason I bring this up is because I'm out of touch. I'm not sure when it happened but everyday I come across some new pop culture phenom and I'm baffled how anyone can like this garbage. But they do. It's popular. Kids love the music, fashion, etc. I know I'm being vague but it's not really about bashing particular things. It's more about the phenomenon. Anyhow, I don't know how or when it happened but I'm old. I don't understand youth culture. It's ridiculous and the fashion is terrible...and get off my lawn!

Opportunities Realized As Lost...or O.R.A.L.

It's interesting how when you realize you've missed out on an opportunity that you suddenly become aware of how much you miss whatever it may be. While at a concert recently I had two fun exchanges that made me miss the good ol' male-female exchanges. First off I was playing the classic eye contact game with this beautiful girl at a bar/concert venue I was at. The intimidating thing about the situation, which prevented me from talking to her, was that she was with a group of people and they kept moving around. It's slightly nerve-racking approaching a group in order to speak to one person. When you have to follow them around the room it makes it even more of a challenge. Then the whole group abruptly left before the musician I wanted to see had played. While the musician I came to see was playing a girl next to me yells out, "Come on! I wanna shot!" I look over and make eye contact with this beautiful girl. She asks me, "Do you wanna take a shot with me?" "Absolutely!" is what I replied. She was very sweet as we talked and I ordered us drinks. Unfortunately she had already had to much and her male friend had noticed and she had to leave as she was about to pass out. In leaving she embraced me and apologized for leaving like this. That embrace made up for her leaving and then some. Just to have her press her body against mine as she whispeered in my ear, "I'm so sorry." was enough to make me miss the simple pleasures of basic contact of the female sex. Goddamn you girls are sexy. It's not like I forgot that fact. But that simple encounter magnified exactly how much control y'all have over me. That's all.